Goodbye and hello

 

On Christmas Eve this year it will be 14 months since I said goodbye to my angel Logan Jay. As I was thinking about that I realized I very well could have this little girl on Christmas eve and how sweet that would be to say hello to Logan's little sister exactly 14 months after I said goodbye to my little boy.

As I was driving to my 36 week appointment yesterday Logan and I had a special moment together. I was able to feel of his presence and the love he has for us and that everything will work out how it is supposed to. Both Jay D and I wish with all of our hearts that Logan could be here with us as we welcome his little sister into this world but than again I often wonder if we would be welcoming her into our world if he had stuck around. Heavenly Father's plan for us was defiantly a different plan than what Jay D and I have had in mind.

I still long for Logan and not a day passes by that I don't think of him and wonder what our lives would be like if he were here with us. I feel blessed to have felt his spirit with me so strongly a few times in these last 14 months. Those months have been hard. I have dealt with things the best way I have been able to and I learned a lot about myself and learned that I can not worry about what other people think because I can only do what is best for me and not try to make the rest of the world happy. My guard has been put up many times to protect myself. Some people have understood and others have avoided my troubles like the plague.

 

Well my induction date is set for January 2nd at 5:30 am unless she plans to arrive earlier which she very well could.. as long as she's healthy and can come home with us I would be very okay with her coming a couple weeks early... we can't wait to meet her. I can hardly stand waiting any longer. I know it is better for her to grow inside me but man oh man it feels like so far away. Where is the fast forward button when you need it? Hopefully the holidays help the time fly by and the sicknesses stay far far away!!!

 

 

 

I found the tiniest Christmas Tree at Wal-mart and had to get ti for Logan's grave.. it completely touched my heart.

 

 

All packed and ready for her arrival!!

 

Some wonderful women that have been my YW Leaders, friends through my mom helped throw me a beautiful shower! So many who have shown so much love and support in these last 14 months came and gave us wonderful things for baby girl! It was so fantastic! (Sorry pictures are kind of out of order because I upload from my phone and it won't let me switch)

 

 

About a year ago I signed up for this bear from Molly Bears. They are made by other angel mothers and the bears weigh the same as your angel baby. I was so happy to get this in the mail the other day! They do them completely off of donations so no one has to pay for their bear. It is such a sweet wonderful thing to honor her daughter and to bring a little peace to another mothers arms.

 

Ready to POP!!!