If you couldn't already tell.. yesterday was a bad day for me.  I think it is the most I have cried since I buried Logan. I am not going to sugar coat my feelings like everything is okay and pretend that I am not jealous of other people, However, just because I am jealous doesn't mean I hate people. I can't stop the world from having babies because I lost mine. I understand that. I am still happy for that person who's having a baby I just may not want to hear about it all the time. I think that is only fair right? I'm not saying no one should have to stop sharing updates about their children. I wish I had updated more of my pregnancy now that its over. It is my own fault for still getting on facebook.

I feel completely drained. I am tired but it is a different kind of tired. When I wake up in the mornings I feel as though I have been hit by a train. I don't know who I am anymore. I was talking to someone last night who really gave me some answers that I was looking for. I explained to her I don't feel like "me" anymore because I was always pretty happy and upbeat. Now I feel sad and drained and I don't feel like smiling all the time. She told me that is okay and that I can find a new normal. I will never be the same person. I will always have an empty space for Logan.

I know that people say when in doubt kneel and pray, but sometimes I just get so mad that this has happened to me! I feel like I can't express that because I am supposed to lean on the lord and I do but there are times I just want to feel mad that this has happened. It is not about me though and I know that too. Logan had a mission here on earth and I am not going to take that away from him. I will continue to trying to stay strong but sometimes I feel so weak. So all in all I don't hate anyone I just may be jealous.