Don't read if you are easily offended of what other people say.. I am not going to make it all sweet & happy.
Jay D and I during our first year would always talk about when we would have kids and we never had a for sure decision of when. I have always been so baby hungry so to wait was hard but I knew we needed too. Just after a year of being married we decided we would do the "if it happens it does if not that's okay" thing. Well after about 9 months of that happening I was completely ready to be pregnant.
During this time we saw many of our friends get pregnant and have their babies. This was a difficult time for me. Little things people would say would erk me but I would just keep a smile on my face and pretend nothing was going on. I hated hearing things like it took us sooo long to get pregnant (I'm thinking you have no idea) or things like you just wait having kids is a lot harder than it looks. I am thinking I know having kids isn't easy but all I have ever wanted was to be a mom. I'll take ANYTHING. (I am sorry if any of this is rude) I just think in my situation it has really made me think about what I say to people because you never know someones situation.
Than we had one of the best days of our lives! We got a positive pregnancy test!!! We were so excited and couldn't wait to tell everyone. Our dreams were finally coming true!! We were thrilled when we found out we were having a little boy! I didn't care what we were having either way but a BOY I just couldn't wait to spike his hair, have a little mama's boy, be the BIG brother.
Everything in my pregnancy was going so well. I wasn't sick and I felt great! Than all hell broke loose when I went to labor and delivery. I couldn't believe what was happening. I was in a daze the whole time. It felt like a nightmare and it still does. I am also grieving not only the loss of my baby but the loss of a pregnancy. I still haven't felt what its like to be completely big and pregnant or have swollen feet. Or all the other horrible things that happen in pregnancy. I will take them over loosing my baby.
I ache so badly for Logan. I have a difficult time thinking of having another baby when I really just want Logan here in my arms. I come home to an empty house, flat stomach (compared to my round belly), empty crib, empty room. I am jealous of all the pregnant mothers. I am jealous of all the mothers who have given birth to healhty babies who all seem to be boys right now. I hate facebook for giving me those updates but I can't seem to just DELETE the darn thing!
5 comments:
Im sorry Lars you are such a wonderful mamma! I can only imagine the pain you are going through. I wish I was there to help you through this hard time. Just know I am thinking of you daily and I love you FOREVER!!!
p.s you can always runaway to Vegas :)
Lauren, you are such a strong woman and mother. I honestly have thought of you so often these last weeks and my heart goes out to you. Your beautiful photos, and sweet updates were and are very inspirational. You are right, Logan touched so many lives during his time here on earth. I pray that you can find peace and heal your broken heart. Love, Holly
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way about people trying to make you feel better about not being pregnant. (Jared and I have been trying, just since February, but still no luck...) I swear everyone I know is pregnant too and it's really making me frustrated. I know people mean well, but it really doesn't help when they say things like, "oh trust me you should be glad you don't have kids yet, they're so hard." It just makes me want to punch them in the face. I know that's not very Christ-like, but it's how I feel sometimes. I do know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and whether or not that plan includes me having my own children in this lifetime, I know that he still loves me and knows what is best for me because I can't see the whole picture like he can. I'm trying to be better and have faith that everything will work out the way that he has planned for me. Some days are a lot harder than others. My heart still hurts for you and I pray that you will have the comfort of Christ's love, because he truly is the only one who knows how each of us feel and can help us through these difficult times. Love you girl!
Lauren I am so sorry, I can only imagine what you must be going through, such a hard time. I always try and be careful about what I say about being a mother and things like that because like you said, you never know other peoples' situation, and it really can offend people. you are SO sweet, this post was not rude or anything, you were just saying what you needed to say, keep it coming, it's so therapeutic! I'm so sorry, you are amazing and so strong, I am going to miss you so much! This post really wasn't mean and you have nothing to worry about, seriously you can say what you want and need too! I hope that things will get better for you both. I love you
Kept the strenght sweet girl! Take you time, grieve and you tell the world. It is important to talk about it. And don't let anyone tell you any different! Love ya girl, don't give up! Your so awesome!
Post a Comment