1st 2nd Baby

When I talk about this baby I call he/she (I don't like calling it an it ha ha) my first second baby. Because Logan was my first but I never got to enjoy the joys of being a real first time mom with my first baby Logan. So this is my first baby because this baby WILL get to come home with me (crossing my fingers) and I'll get to experience what it's really like to be a mommy but this is actually my second baby because Logan will always be my first baby and made me fall in love with him more than I could hardly imagine. Confused yet?

Today I met with my OB. It was a hard change switching from my Midwife and I absolutely dreaded it. However, I was looking forward to getting some more firm answers but I think I left feeling even more upset and nervous. Basically he told me we don't know what to expect and you could just have gone into pre-term labor and that could happen again or you could get the cerclage and possibly be fine. So I am playing everything by ear and being extra paranoid.

I sometimes get the impression some people think I am being "TOO" over the top with the pregnancy and as soon as I get the cerclage and I'll be fine.  After going through what I've been through this is not the case and the Doctor basically confirmed that for me. I am a person who likes to fit in and not be talked about and I worry about what people think of me. It gets the best of me. It is who I am and I can not change that, it is built into my system. My mom always tells me you have to worry about yourself and not what others are thinking. This is truly great advice but it is easier said than done. I have to do what is best for me and our baby and that is that.

I love this little 1st 2nd baby and pray in my heart and pray daily that this baby will make it home with me. I often wonder what a normal pregnancy would be like!? It would be so nice to not have to worry and just carry a baby full-term with no worries.  I CAN DO HARD THINGS! I CAN DO THIS! I can make it to the end of this dark tunnel.

I was hoping to attend Scentsy convention in Vegas at the end of July but decided it is best that I don't go this year which I am completely bummed about. I was so looking forward to going and learning how to build my business. I don't want to risk anything.

Here is our baby! (sorry it's sideways not sure why)

Starting at 22 weeks I will have to be down for 6 hours each day and take things extremely easy. This will be so hard for me. I always say I'm fine I can do it. I hate depending on others to help me get things done. It's the little things that makes it so difficult:

• Doing Laundry and carrying it up the stairs
• cleaning the tub
• vacumning the house
• picking up things and putting them away
• just day to day tasks

This baby is going to be so worth it.  January or end of december can't come soon enough!!!