Before I can't remember a lot of the details I wanted to document my experiences with my Logan.
It was Oct. 18th around 5:30 am when I yelled for Jay D to come here. I had found blood after I had used the restroom, it was heavy bleeding just some. I was trying to stay calm but being pregnant and finding blood wasn't a good thing right? I called my mom because my mom would know what to do. She told me to call my Midwife and ask her about it. I waited an hour because it was still so early. She explained it was normal to have some slight blood and if I didn't have any cramping than I shouldn't worry about it.
Around 930 I used the restroom again and this time there was more blood. I sat and really listened to my body and I could feel a Very SLIGHT cramping. My Midwife told me to head up to Labor & delivery and she would call and let them know I was coming up. I asked her if I should pack anything and she told me I might want to pack a pillow and a few things just in case I was going to be in there for a while. Of course I was thinking I was just overreacting and I was just going in for my state of mind. I just threw all my toiletries into a bag in case I was going to be there longer than anticipated and I could just have Jay D grab that bag and a few things. No big deal right?
I called my mom to take me up to L & D because I didn't want to go a lone and I let Jay D know I was headed up there but not to worry. I would let him know if he needed to come up but to just stay at work for the time being.
When we got to L & D they were very busy and kind of put me on the side burner. They finally took me into the last room they had and I got in a gown. I know they were thinking "oh she's just one of those first time moms being paranoid". Than the manager of L & D checked me and everything changed from that moment on.
Nurses filled my room I was confused, panicked, scared. They gave me a shot of steroids to help Logan's lungs develop and put me on magnesium to help the contractions. Magnesium is crumby and gave me hot flashes way bad, but it was all worth it if it was going to help Logan stay in me longer.
I was praying and hoping I would just be in the hospital for weeks because I wanted Logan to get here safely and have more time to grow and get bigger. I wanted this baby so bad more than anything in this world.
The rest of the day was a blur. Doctors & nurses were in and out the rest of the day. The NICU doctor came in to talk to us about what to expect. I don't remember a thing they said. I just remember thinking: Is this really happening to us?
I decided I was going to get a C-section because I wanted this baby to have any chance of a life outside of my body. Anything that was going to be less stress on my baby I was willing to be strong for. I have never had any major surgery or barely even been sick in my life. Hospitals always made me nervous and I wouldn't even give blood because I was so scared of needles.
That night Jay D and I slept about 3 hours if that. It was miserable and I thought to myself I don't know how much longer I can do this?and I felt horrible not being stronger for my baby that I had worked for 2 years to get here. The nurses had to keep moving the baby monitor on me because Logan kept moving around so much. He sure was a very active baby.
It was about 7:35 when the nurse brought in the ultra sound machine and said the Dr. was on his way to come check where the baby was. I still remember the last time I felt Logan kick me. As soon as the nurse stepped out the door my water broke. I thought I would be a in a panic but I very calmly said to Jay D "My water just broke, hurry and go tell the nurse." I felt very blessed that the Dr. was already on his way to see me as my water broke.
I was still planning on the Vertical c-section that makes it more difficult with future pregnancies. They gave me some nasty medicine and pushed me into the operating room. I felt the savior with me through this very scary time. At the last minute the Dr. said your baby is already far down it will be hard on him both ways (because he was breech) that I am going to do a vaginal birth. I am ever so grateful he chose this option. My recovery has been really easy and I wasn't all drugged up after having Logan and was able to focus on him.
Our beautiful baby boy Logan Jay was born at 8:13 AM and was rushed to the NICU. We had almost 6 beautiful days with him and I feel so grateful for that. He was a little fighter and so perfect. We think of him daily and feel so grateful for the knowledge of the plan of salvation knowing I get to raise Logan. Even though it has been hard now this brings me a lot of comfort and peace.
washclothes on my face
First family picture
Cute little guy
Logan's buddy Roarbert.. he watched over him for us.
I love how he always looked so cozy. He always had his arms around himself.
He would have been a great cuddler!
Our little pumpkin
This is the outfit we buried him in.. it still drowned him
Daddy holding him for the first time..
Papa holding his hand
The moment I dreamed of!
Nana holding him for the first time. (I love how you can see his little face)
