As Logan's due date get closer the pain is just getting hard to bare again. The tears are flowing and the headaches come after. The anxiety comes back. All my friends who were due around the same time as me have had their babies and my arms are empty. As they get to take home their bundles of joy and sit at home wishing I was bringing Logan home to our home full of love. My heart is breaking all over again.
I was secretly hoping I would get pregnant the first month of trying so when his due date came at least I could have something to look forward too but I ended up being really sick in January and that ended up being at the bottom of my list because I didn't need another reason for another baby gone in my life. As time moves forward more people announce their pregnancy and more people have their babies. I am now apart of a group where I am more in tune with losses of babies so I hear about it more but I am also apart of that where healthy babies are being born. I am so happy for them and that they don't suffer the pain that I have every day but I also am jealous of the joy and bliss that they feel as they hold their new precious baby in their arms for the first time knowing that it is a relief that they got here safely.
I have tried to be strong and stay positive but there are days that I just break down. I just want to hold Logan in my arms and kiss his sweet little face and see his eyes open, Kiss his tiny sweet toes, and him just to be all mine! Thank you for all of you who have commented it really helps me and helps me know that I am not alone in this and there are a lot of people out there who love us and are concerned for us! So thank you! They can help me on a rough day!
I read this quote on facebook and loved it!
"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that, is a great gift." ~Elizabeth Edwards
2 comments:
Oh lauren that dang due date! That is what kept me from "moving on". I mean i still even now have a bad day or struggle with not having Harrison here but I promise once that date is gone you feel like, "Ok i can do this." Other than the 1 year mark, which is super hard, you are in a better place by then. I am so sorry you were so sick and I really hope and pray you will get pregnant soon. Love you! I am here for you if you ever need to talk. Do something fun with Jay D, visit his grave and just know that most babies aren't due on their due date anyway. Although when people told me that it bugged because I was like, its not really even the actual date its the fact that I would/should still be pregnant and my baby boy would be alive and well. I am sorry, its so hard to see others around you having babies. I still see my friends who have babies that are harrison's age. It makes me sad like I missing out but I actually smile now seeing them and think wow thats what my little harry would be doing right now. I love you! I'm so sorry you have to endure this pain. It is soooo hard!
Love that quote so much. Thanks for sharing. I know that before talking with you I would have never brought it up or asked because I wasn't sure if you even wanted to talk about it, but now I know! I love hearing you talk about Logan.. we need to get together soon so we can chat. I love you and think about you lots girl!
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